The journey continues......

It's been 11 years since I went to a Halloween party that changed my life. I saw an image of myself that didn't match the mental image I had of my body. I knew that throughout my 20s since I graduated college and started working my clothing sizes gradually increased, but I still thought I looked good and was healthy. Until I saw these photos:

I vividly remember getting ready for that party and doing my hair and make-up and lacing up the  fake leather corset and looking in the mirror thinking to myself "DAMN, I look good!"

I made the decision the day I saw the photos to start working out and eating better and a year later I had lost 100lbs. A year after that, I ran my first marathon - Marine Corps Marathon 2008.

I have since completed 27 marathons and more half marathons than I can count, but in the last 4 yrs I have gotten slower and running has gotten more difficult and it is because of something I never ever thought would happen. I gained back most of the weight I had lost. I know exactly how it happened. It was a gradual process like the slowly increasing clothing sizes in my 20s, it did sort of sneak up on me, but I was aware the entire time. First my jeans got a bit tight, then they didn't fit at all. Running got more and more difficult and didn't feel effortless anymore. The more difficult it got, the less I enjoyed it.

There was a series of events that nudged me in the wrong direction and down the path I have taken. First was the bombings and the nightmares that followed. I started drinking A LOT to try and shut off my brain and cope with anxiety and fear that I couldn't shake. Then a year after that I got laid off from my job and was unemployed for several months. A year after that, one of my cats died suddenly. All of these things just added up over time pushing me into a very unhealthy head space that I am all too familiar with - depression. I continued running the whole time, trying to maintain my weight and sanity, but slowly slipped little by little.

Through all this the journey never stopped, I am still moving forward and still running (even if some people can walk faster than my current pace), I am struggling, but I am still fighting through that struggle.

Reflecting back on my journey thus far, has helped me refocus and restart down a better, more positive path. I have made a conscious effort to stop drinking in excess. Which means not consuming an entire bottle of wine for dinner every night or a 6-pack of beers. In the past month I have only had maybe 2 beers and 3 glasses of wine total on 4 separate occasions. I admit, some nights are more challenging than others and I really really want to have a glass (or bottle) of wine and fall asleep, but I resist the urge and get a glass of water instead.

I have started keeping a food journal again to keep myself accountable for the calories I consume and avoid mindless eating. That also helps me avoid the empty calories of alcohol. I am making it my goal to get to the gym at least twice a week. I just need to make it a habit again. Just doing long runs on the weekend is not enough. So far in the month of October, I have lost 14lbs. I had gained back about 75 of the 100lbs I lost 10 years ago so I still have a ways to go, but it is a great start. If I can lose 10lbs per month between now and next April when I run Boston again that will be a huge accomplishment and I may actually be able to run it faster than recent marathons and feeling better about the race and myself.

So, the journey continues. As a friend recently told me, "it is always a journey, a lot of days are tough but we power through and always give love to ourselves no matter what stage of life we are going through." No truer words have ever been said. Some days are extremely tough, but I power through. That is what makes me who I am. That mental toughness is what gets me to the finish line more often than not. I may not always give myself the love I deserve, but I am trying and I will not give up.

This year's Halloween costume, still think I looked amazing, but also see some room for improvement. It's not as shocking as the "not-so-little" red riding hood costume photos. I definitely know looking at these that I am bigger than I'd like to be and look forward to next year in a smaller costume.

Off to an amazing start

Just one month into my 2018 Dana Farber Marathon Challenge fundraising and I am one third of the way to my goal to raise $20,000 for innovative cancer research! I have been busy, busy, busy - training for the Route 66 marathon, thinking of creative fundraising ideas on my long runs, sending out emails, and social media posts, and letters, ordering photo cards with my link and my message on them, and I ordered DFMC mittens to sell as a fundraiser. HUGE THANK YOU to everyone that has donated already!!!! I cannot do this without the amazing support of my friends and family and coworkers.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and I have been blasting my social media accounts with facts about the disease and including my link. I've also seen other fundraisers going on for the month for other charities. BIG difference between all those other charities and DFMC - Dana Farber's Marathon team raises money specifically for the Claudia Adams Barr Program and that program requires that 100% of every dollar raised goes directly to researching innovative treatments and cures. No administrative fees, no money for advertisement or promotional materials, no money for salaries of executives, no travel and expense money for program staff. If you look into the details of all the 'other' charities out there a very small percent of the money you give them actually goes to the cause you are supporting. One example I saw yesterday after a little digging on their website, gave only $800,000 out of almost $3 million to grants for breast cancer screenings.

Here is a direct example of how your donation to my DFMC page can make a difference:

Discovering New Treatments - Explaining how drugs like Tamoxifen have improved breast cancer survival rates by 33% in significant numbers of women, leading to the possible discovery of additional treatments with even better outcomes for people with breast cancer.
Myles Brown, MD, used Barr funding in 2002-‘03 to make the first genome-wide map of all genes that estrogen controls. This has enabled scientists for the first time to understand why certain drugs have been so effective in treating breast cancer, including the marked improvement in survival for women whose breast cancers respond to tamoxifen and other drugs that block estrogen. Dr. Brown’s work is now expected to lead to new drugs and treatments for cancers that target critical pathways in breast cancer. His team has used this information to discover new ways to treat breast cancers that don’t respond to Tamoxifen.

Tomorrow morning I am planning on going out for a 16 mile training run. I have 5 weeks left to train for my next marathon. 185 days until I line up in Hopkinton with 36,000 other runners to make the 26.2 mile journey to Boylston St. It will be 5 years since the bombs went off and I plan on crossing that finish line triumphant not only in completing the race, but doing so for a cause much bigger than personal achievement. I want to make a difference. Together with the support (and yes, donations) of everyone I know and even people I don't know, we all CAN make a difference. Please consider giving whatever you can, share my link with your friends, whether it's $5 or $50 - EVERY dollar can make a difference! DONATE TODAY!

I'm running Boston AGAIN!

Hard to believe it has been another 4 years already and it's time for me to lace up for my favorite charity team (aka my extended family) - Dana Farber Marathon Challenge. Raising money for innovative cancer research that might not otherwise get funded and kicking cancer's ass one dollar at a time.

It's also hard for me to believe logging in to post this that my last update was my race re-cap for the Little Rock Marathon. Geez, I have really been slacking off. Well to be fair, after Little Rock I did feel a little burnt out and needed a break. But enough about that and back to my original reason for posting......

192 days from today I will be in Hopkinton again getting ready to make the 26.2 mile journey through 8 towns and over a few famous hills, around a few really fun turns, onto the most amazing finishing stretch of any marathon in the World. But as I like to say, "the race is the reward for the training". April 16th 2018 WILL be an awesome day, but it will be even more awesome and special because of WHY I run and the team I run with.

I began running almost 10 years ago. I lost 100lbs in 2007, ran my first marathon in 2008. I went to the 2009 Boston Marathon to cheer for friends and was so inspired I decided that day to apply to run with a charity team the following year. I ran my first Boston marathon with Dana Farber in 2010 not knowing it would change my life.  

Long story short - through my fundraising efforts with Dana Farber, I repaired a fractured relationship with my mom who had only recently recovered from her own battle with breast cancer. I ran that year in memory of my mom's father, my grandfather, Howard Burdwood. He died from acute leukemia when I was in college. I made so many friends through the DFMC team that I now consider them my extended family. I vowed that year to continue supporting the team’s efforts however I could and to run again with them every 4 years (as a nod to my mom's political career, even though she reminds me her terms were 3 years and I really should be running every 3 years).

In 2013 I was a block away from the finish tracking and cheering for many of my DFMC family and waiting for a friend to run her in the last 2 turns. That day for me, like any runner, any Bostonian, and anyone that was there, had a profound effect on me. Fireworks still startle me. I still occasionally have nightmares. I get nervous in large crowds or public events. But none of that has stopped me from running. I'm slower and have gained back some of the weight I lost, but I AM NOT STOPPING. As planned, I ran in 2014, with new meaning and determination to make a difference and I raised just over $16,000 for Dana Farber. 

Last year, my mom's best friend and someone who was like a second mom to me, Gloria Miranda, lost her battle with lung cancer. I'm running in memory of her and in support of my mom and too many other people to list that have been impacted by this disease. My hope for 2018 is to make it a really big deal. It will be my 30th marathon, about a month before my 40th birthday, and I hope to raise at least $20,000 for Dana Farber.

 So far I am off to a great start, almost a third of the way to my goal of $20K. I’m currently training for the Route 66 marathon in November and already logging lots of miles. I will follow that up with another Dopey Challenge at Disney World in January before turning my training focus on the Newton Hills and the Boston marathon.

Please consider making a donation to help me reach the ultimate finish line - A World Without Cancer!  My personal fundraising page THANK YOU!!!!!!! 100% of the dollars raised support innovative cancer research (and are tax deductible).