Thursday, January 30, 2014

Is it Friday yet????

This week is dragging on and on and feels like it will never end.  I'm not sure why but I'm really struggling this week.  Overwhelmed and stressed out and feeling tremendous weight and pressure on me from every aspect of my life.  I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep until it's over.  How do I cope with stress when running doesn't help?  Well, lately (and I am not proud of it) I've been 'enjoying' a nice glass of wine or ice cold beer.  That's not helping either.

I think it's just a lot of things going on all at the same time.  End of the month is a busy time for me at work because metrics and meetings take over my life.  Working really hard and getting no where fast, kind of like running on a treadmill.  I'm sure I'm still getting some sort of benefit that I'm not aware of yet, but right now it is really challenging to stay motivated.  There is a lot of uncertainty with rumors flying around about changes in the business, plus performance reviews and promotions and bonusable goal review and goal setting for the new year.  I'm trying to stay positive because I know I crushed my goals last year, but I'm also trying to stay realisistic because I know how rating calibration meetings tend to go and I doubt I will get what I think I should get.
Last week I decided to try and do Super Bowl Squares as a fundraiser sort of last minute and hassling people for money and trying to get 100 squares filled when some people are just not interested and some people do not want to participate if half of the money is going to charity, they want to be greedy and often even a little bit rude/mean to me when I ask.  I had one person actually ask me if they won could they claim the tax deduction for the portion of the money raised that would be equal to the money that they won.  I didn't even know how to respond. 

I'm trying to do something good, raising money for cancer research and thinking of all kinds of different creative ways to do it and incentives for people that wouldn't normally donate, and most of the time it is well received and supported, but occasionally it's not and it's that small fraction of the population that really gets under my skin and irritates me.  It's ok if people are not interested in giving or can't afford to or already gave to another cause or any number of reasons that prevent people from donating.  Then there's people that give, but reluctantly and make me feel like a jerk for asking as if I'm stealing the money from them for personal use or something.

I'm also planning a really cool fundraising event for next week, but trying to remind people to register for it and organize potential raffle items and worrying about whether or not I will have enough things and if the event will be a success and raise much money is weighing pretty heavily on me.  I am trying to resist the urge to spend my own money to supply raffle items because I end up doing too much.  I want it to be fun and raise money, but I need to just relax and just enjoy the event and stop worrying so much.  It IS going to be great and I know everyone that is coming supports me and the cause I am running for and at the end of the night they will all have a good time no matter what raffle items are there.
Meanwhile, I keep almost forgetting that with all of this going on I have ANOTHER event Saturday for a different charity.  It's time to climb some stairs for American Lung Association.  It snuck up on me again this year, I'm not ready, not trained, and it is going to be tough, but I signed up to climb 3 times this year so that's 123 floors, 246 flights, 2367 steps.  I LOVE this event.  It is always a great day and I can't wait to do it and have a celebratory brunch and beverage afterwards, but I haven't really even had any time to think about it at all.  I don't even know if half of my team will show up.  I'm getting my usual pre-race acupuncture treatment on Friday so maybe I can get a little stress reduction too.

So, Friday cannot come soon enough and once this weekend and next Tuesday's event are behind me, I really hope that the stress is behind me too.  I need to start focusing on training for Boston and start mentally preparing for it.  I LOVE those 26.2 miles and I want to really soak it in and appreciate every mile.  Not just in Boston, but every step along the way.  I need to remind myself that I have come so far and my journey has been filled with ups and downs much like the roads from Hopkinton to that stretch on Boylston street, the first part was mostly downhill and it hurt a lot and beat me up, but I turned and pulled myself up and in many ways I have experienced the pain and glory of crossing the finish line.  Just like in the race, in life the journey doesn't end there, you keep moving forward.

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