Friday, March 5, 2010

Just for Fun on a Friday

Here's a list of explanations of how English differs from "Marathon girl-speak" in the world of relationships.

"I am an outdoors type of person." Really means: I run in any type of weather; rain, snow, monsoon, blizzard, 90 degrees w/100 percent humidity, winds gusting at 30 mph, mid-day sun blazing down, middle of the night with a head lamp. If you’re not up for the challenge, I’m not that into you.

"I enjoy riding my bike." Really means: When I’m not running, I like to cross train on my bike. If you can't do a spur of the moment 30 miler then you're not my type. I will draft off you, but if you go too slow, I’ll blow past you and leave you in my dust. I know how to fix my bike, but if I know you do too, I’ll let you fix it for me.

"I enjoy jogging." Really means: Tempo runs and fartleks, if you don’t know what that means, I don’t want your phone number.

"I enjoy fine dining." Really means: I enjoy eating - A LOT. If you want to go out for dinner don’t be late, unless you bring some food with you. I get cranky if I don’t get food every couple of hours; forget that, I need food all the time. Don’t ask me questions during pre-breakfast snack, breakfast, mid-morning munchies, lunch, afternoon snack, late afternoon snack, pre-dinner appetizer, dinner, dessert, after dinner hors d’oeuvres, or bedtime cookies and milk, I’m shoveling food in my mouth and it is impossible to respond.

"I enjoy quiet walks on the beach." Really means: Doing sprints in sand, the only sound I want to hear coming out of your mouth is breathing, although gasping or wheezing is an acceptable alternative.

"I find fulfillment in charitable work." Really means: If I am not running, racing, training for a race, or resting before a race, I am volunteering and I expect you to be there as I stand out in 90 degree weather for 8 hours handing out water and Gu to runners that don’t want to lose time walking through an aid station and will trample you if necessary.

"I enjoy sharing quiet moments together." Really means: It's taper time or I over-trained and injured myself. Just back off because I am in a pissy mood because I can't workout.

"I am an active person." Really means: Aside from my 40 hour job, and the 8 hours of sleep a night. 20 hours a week are devoted to running leaving us ~6 hours/day. 4 of which are spent inhaling food and you not talking to me, so let's make the best of the 2 hours we will spend together on average each day. If you are a licensed massage therapist or doctor this would make the most optimal use of our time together. Nutritionist or athletic trainer is also acceptable, but I probably already know just as much as you.

"I enjoy site seeing." Really means: I like to go for long runs in unfamiliar areas so that if I get lost, I get a few extra miles in.

"I like stimulating conversation." Really means: While we are running, we can talk about food, best places to get food, where we are going to go for food after the run, what the best food is before a run, and favorite flavors of carbohydrate replacement gels. Then we can talk about how we decided what to wear on this run based on the temperature at start time versus the temperature at the time we expect to finish, how many miles we did last week, and how many we will do this week and next week. Then we can talk about food.

"I enjoy relaxing soaks in the tub." Really Means: I'm going to stop on the way home and buy 6 bags of ice, throw them in the tub with some water, and sit in this torture chamber for 30 minutes.

"I'm into in technology" Really Means: My HRM and GPS are my best friends. Until you can give me some hard data that can improve my training, don't bother trying to buddy up to me. You could one day break into the top three if I find you as entertaining on long runs and rides as my mp3 player.

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